Well, its been 50 years, and for the past 5 years I've been open about who I am and no longer living in a lie. I was born and raised in a small rural town, actually it was a farming and ranching community in Oregon. I was raised on the family cattle ranch, I grew up riding horses, fixing fence, working cattle, hunting, hiking, camping, working on the farm equipment, driving trucks, and riding motorcycles. I was the normal all American boy. Except I had a secret, a secret that lasted for four and a half decades, ruined my marriage, and contributed to the estrangement of my kids and I.
I started the coming out process about 5 years ago, after meeting someone I thought I could spend my life with, that didn't work out, but it worked out for the best, as I ended up meeting the love of my life. But what it did was cause me to become more comfortable in my own skin, and with that came the piece and contentment of no longer having to lie about who I am.
I met CJ online, just as I had done countless times, but this one started out a little differently than the others, while chatting I happened to mention that I was heading home for some reason or other to Oregon. He then proceeded to say a line that I had said numerous times said oh yeah, I grew up in a little town in Oregon you probably never heard of Powell Butte......I thought, did I just type that? NO, he typed it. He had grown up in the same community I grew up in Knew allot of the people I knew, although he was about 10 years younger than I was, I'm sure I had met him over the course of living there, I certainly remember a friends younger brother mentioning him, talk about an odd feeling.
We ended up meeting, and eventually being in a relationship for about a year, but during that year I learned allot about myself, and with his encouragement, began my coming out process. He, like I was raised in the same farming community, and both grew up doing about the same things......just being boys. He on the other hand realized he was gay shortly after moving out on his own, in his own words it was easier telling his parents he was gay than telling them he was a vegetarian. His dad was still a cowboy in eastern Oregon, and as a side note Ironically, knew allot of my ex wife's family. So he had been out most of his adult life, when I first stayed with him, his house was unavailable, so we stayed at his brothers house. His brother was married, with wife, and kids. I was a little apprehensive meeting them, and when came time to go to bed, I was more than a little hesitant, but his brother and family was totally cool with he and I. That is where my coming out really began.
Over the course of the next year, I told my middle sister who was also gay. I then told my other sister and her husband, who at the time was in the military, to say the least, I was a little concerned about their reaction. I was kind of forced into this announcement, by CJ in that I was going to my sisters to do some work and he wanted to come along, how to you explain bringing a "friend" to your sisters, and oh were going to sleep in the same bed? So I went to my sisters without him, which started a fight, I was determined to tell them, so that wouldnt happen again. To start this conversation, while my brotherinlaw was at work, I told my sister i needed to talk to the two of them when it was convenient. She looked kind of worried about what I needed to talk to them about, I figured probably they at least had an idea about me, but I was concerned she might think it was more serious, like I had HIV or something, so I told her it was nothing serious. Later that night I told them, and again It was no big deal. With those responses, I felt empowered to let other friends and family know. All the responses were great. These responses came from family, friends, and co-workers. Several of my close friends were and are Christian, when it came time to tell them I was very concerned about how they would take it, but again they were very loving and supportive, the way "Christians" aught to be, caring and non-judgemental.
I've been out now about 5 years now. I'm not out in the fact that I flaunt that I'm gay, because that's not me. If someone asks I tell them. If not, its none of their business. I don't show my sexuality out in public. I don't hold my Partners hand when were out, nor do I kiss him when were in public. It's not because, I'm uncomfortable with who I am, it's because I'm uncomfortable with seeing anyone doing that in public, straight or gay. I'm still the guy I have been my entire life, a masculine guy that loves the out doors. I love trucks, motorcycles, jet skis, and horses. If you met me on the street or anyplace else you wouldn't have a clue. the same goes for my partner, hes masculine, loves the out doors, horses, rancher. He can rope a cow, train a horse, and fix a truck, all around work,and his full time job is a gold miner. Were not the "stereotypical" gay men, but there are more gay men like us than most people would think.
I started the coming out process about 5 years ago, after meeting someone I thought I could spend my life with, that didn't work out, but it worked out for the best, as I ended up meeting the love of my life. But what it did was cause me to become more comfortable in my own skin, and with that came the piece and contentment of no longer having to lie about who I am.
I met CJ online, just as I had done countless times, but this one started out a little differently than the others, while chatting I happened to mention that I was heading home for some reason or other to Oregon. He then proceeded to say a line that I had said numerous times said oh yeah, I grew up in a little town in Oregon you probably never heard of Powell Butte......I thought, did I just type that? NO, he typed it. He had grown up in the same community I grew up in Knew allot of the people I knew, although he was about 10 years younger than I was, I'm sure I had met him over the course of living there, I certainly remember a friends younger brother mentioning him, talk about an odd feeling.
We ended up meeting, and eventually being in a relationship for about a year, but during that year I learned allot about myself, and with his encouragement, began my coming out process. He, like I was raised in the same farming community, and both grew up doing about the same things......just being boys. He on the other hand realized he was gay shortly after moving out on his own, in his own words it was easier telling his parents he was gay than telling them he was a vegetarian. His dad was still a cowboy in eastern Oregon, and as a side note Ironically, knew allot of my ex wife's family. So he had been out most of his adult life, when I first stayed with him, his house was unavailable, so we stayed at his brothers house. His brother was married, with wife, and kids. I was a little apprehensive meeting them, and when came time to go to bed, I was more than a little hesitant, but his brother and family was totally cool with he and I. That is where my coming out really began.
Over the course of the next year, I told my middle sister who was also gay. I then told my other sister and her husband, who at the time was in the military, to say the least, I was a little concerned about their reaction. I was kind of forced into this announcement, by CJ in that I was going to my sisters to do some work and he wanted to come along, how to you explain bringing a "friend" to your sisters, and oh were going to sleep in the same bed? So I went to my sisters without him, which started a fight, I was determined to tell them, so that wouldnt happen again. To start this conversation, while my brotherinlaw was at work, I told my sister i needed to talk to the two of them when it was convenient. She looked kind of worried about what I needed to talk to them about, I figured probably they at least had an idea about me, but I was concerned she might think it was more serious, like I had HIV or something, so I told her it was nothing serious. Later that night I told them, and again It was no big deal. With those responses, I felt empowered to let other friends and family know. All the responses were great. These responses came from family, friends, and co-workers. Several of my close friends were and are Christian, when it came time to tell them I was very concerned about how they would take it, but again they were very loving and supportive, the way "Christians" aught to be, caring and non-judgemental.
I've been out now about 5 years now. I'm not out in the fact that I flaunt that I'm gay, because that's not me. If someone asks I tell them. If not, its none of their business. I don't show my sexuality out in public. I don't hold my Partners hand when were out, nor do I kiss him when were in public. It's not because, I'm uncomfortable with who I am, it's because I'm uncomfortable with seeing anyone doing that in public, straight or gay. I'm still the guy I have been my entire life, a masculine guy that loves the out doors. I love trucks, motorcycles, jet skis, and horses. If you met me on the street or anyplace else you wouldn't have a clue. the same goes for my partner, hes masculine, loves the out doors, horses, rancher. He can rope a cow, train a horse, and fix a truck, all around work,and his full time job is a gold miner. Were not the "stereotypical" gay men, but there are more gay men like us than most people would think.
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